Collaborative  - Interest Articles

Article of the Month-  September 2010

Select from topics at left to see articles by the subject of your interest

Another Reason to Mediate or Collaborate

By: Pamela Edwards-Swift, CFLS 

Recently there were two articles in local newspapers casting doubt on a custody evaluator and a judicial officer. In the first article, it stated that a local family is blaming a family law judge for the death of a minor child. The article states the mother had asked the judge to limit the visitation rights of the father, which he denied. She claims she was afraid to go back in front of the judge to request orders again, even though there was, in her opinion, clear evidence of abuse. Eventually the father was charged with killing the child.

The second article was about a local custody evaluator, who died recently. We learned, sadly, that he died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. However, the article was blatant in showing the hand of the author. It was apparent this evaluator was not well favored by the author, or whomever had provided the information for the story. The local legal community was told, that the evaluator and died of natural causes (a heart attack). The article was clearly meant to "out" him and embarrass his family.

What was clear in both of these articles was the intense anger directed toward these two individuals, who were doing their jobs, making decisions and recommendations as to what the custody arrangement would be for the children. Both of these men have been praised by people, and criticized by people, I guess it depends upon whether you are on the "winning" side or the "losing" side.

Either way, these situations make my point. Why leave the decision of something as important as the custody of your child up to a stranger? Mediation and Collaboration is not for everyone. But, it is a start. Both methods, if done correctly, can help to bring a couple together in the decision making process for the best interest of the minor children. Part of the process is to select someone who best fits the personality of you and your spouse. If "kumbaya" is not your style, then say "Thanks, but no thanks" to that type of mediator. In other words, find someone trained in divorce mediation and/or collaboration that will fit your family situation.

Don’t leave the decisions of your life and the lives of your children up to a third party who has limited time with you and your children, and after all, is only human. There are alternatives to court, use them. It may be hard work, but it is worth it, for the sake of preserving your children’s well-being.